September 05, 2004

i felt like shit last night. i didn't do anything particularly horrible, mind you. for the past few weeks, the roommate has started talking about moving in with her boyfriend. last spring when it came time to renew our lease she was having doubts because she and her boyfriend had started dating and it was going really well. she was thinking they'd be moving in together in the next year (but not right now). she mentioned january 2005 as a possible date where they would start to want to live together. that was all fine. i even told her he could move in with us in january '05 until the lease expired in july of that year. but now they're talking about finding a new place instead. and that has been stressing me out big-time. 1. she'll continue paying her part in this apartment but i don't wanna drag it on for too long 'cause it's a lot of money; 2. i don't want to move. i hate it, etc; 3. i don't want to live on my own. i did it for a year and it was fun but it's kinda depressing; 4. my circle of friends who could move in is really limited. i have been thinking about this one friend/acquaintance who i would really like to live with for a year, but he moved in with two of his friends this summer so i don't know how much of an option that would be for him. plus, the cost would be greater over here with me. i dunno. so i felt like shit last night. what didn't help was watching Ernest Dickerson's Never Die Alone. talk about bad timing (not the gangster shit but the supposed message of the film). i really felt alone. and that's not a good feeling. my mind was racing last night. in circles. not a good thing. hey, asking a guy friend if he'd move in with you is about as nerve-wracking as asking a girl out for the first time :) but today's a new day. i should go out jogging after i post this. haven't been out running for a few weeks and my mind and body would really benefit from it. well, thank you for listening. and if you know of a good person who's in need of an apartment, let me know :)

update, 12:05 pm: i just went out to run :) i jogged for about 10-12 minutes but it still feels good and my body is already tired. but a good tired.

np: 8 mile soundtrack

Posted by Sam | 9:29 AM |