therefore i feel like shit today. even though it had been nagging me for so long, i'd been feeling we weren't made for each other, not being on the same wavelength a lot of the time, feeling we weren't at the same place in our lives (i'm six years older), not feeling particularly excited about her coming over or thinking about her when we weren't with each other -- right now, i'm feeling depressed. i know it was the right thing to do. i couldn't go on for months not being in love; and even if i'd never tell her i loved her if i wasn't feeling it, i'd kinda be lying to her, or at the very least, leading her on by staying with her. and i didn't wanna do that. i didn't wanna drag it out. she's too good a girl to be treated that way. i felt kinda relieved when i told her, like i finally got the last ounce of courage i needed to wake up. but i hated doing it. i hate hurting people i love. i was talking to the ex-roommate later on and i just burst into fucking tears. it tore me up. i had a girlfriend. and she was really good to me - she was actually the sweetest girl i've ever gone out with. right now, i fucking miss her. but it's the usual "fuck - did i do the right thing??!" bit. i do believe we're better off as friends than lovers (and i'm gonna put my whole trust into that fucking belief). she kinda saw it coming and kinda agreed that we'll be better off in the long run, but she was still torn up about it (duh). i hate doing this. but it was the right thing to do (right?). i unburdened myself a little this morning, and i was actually looking forward to having my little life back. but it still sucks. i already miss her.
i know i'll be alright but it's fucking tearing me up inside.
Posted by Anonymous | 1:32 PM
