May 20, 2006

okay. i think it's time to vent a little.
exactly two weeks ago today (i'm still on friday time), i called the ex and asked her if she wanted to go see MI3 with me over the weekend. as usual, she was very noncommital, leaving it open for a 'we'll see; i'll call you sunday'. i don't want to wait until the last minute to know if someone's coming with me or not, so i pressed a bit more. we argued about needing stuff planned vs letting things come. i said, 'if we do it that way you know we'll never go'. she started dating this guy back in december. since then i've nagged and nagged about having a movie night. once. for the past 5 months. it's yet to happen. and i'm not holding my breath. then i thought about it - i tape 24's and watch them a day or two later with her because i got her hooked on the show. good enough. a couple of times, i even waited a week to watch the episodes with her because she 'was busy'. i also got four tickets to one of the two Radiohead shows in June. i'm bringing the ex-roommate, her boyfriend ...and thought of bringing the ex since she's never really been to an official live show and she loves Radiohead. this was perfect. the venue is also a 3,000 seater. how good of a friend am i? seriously. i told her i even had to twist her fucking arm so we could get 45 minutes a week together. she said, 'well, we see each other at work'. right. great fucking friendship that creates. from hanging out every fucking day -even after our breakup- to seeing each other at work. i pressed her again. she said she had a boyfriend now (it'd been 5 months, mind you) and that she didn't really have time... and that our friendship didn't really have a purpose now. sweet. how about that motherfucker? so she's the kind of person who drops her friends when she gets a boyfriend. nice. didn't think people did that after they got out of high school. i was pissed and insulted. after 5 or ten minutes of arguing and pressing her, i finally got the truth out of her. she didn't have time to see me. when the fuck were you going to tell 'cause you sure never did during the past 5 months i was bending over backwards to accomodate your fucking ass. she was sheepish about it. as though this was what was done. you let stuff happen and let it ride. somehow, people are gonna find out on their own. and you don't have to confront them.

so that was the big drama two weeks ago.
what's happened since then? throughout our relationship and friendship i've been the one going back to her when we fought and patching things up because she... she doesn't like confrontations. when she's hurt or sad she closes up and 'everything's fine' (it's way worse than just girl stuff. it's sad). i've confronted her about this and she says she works things out on her own. wow. great. good way to create a fucking relationship. she usually came back and acted as if nothing had happened. i hated it. i got so fed up with it that i told her a couple of times that she'd have to pull her weight; that i wasn't gonna do all the work. and what happens now? i ignore her at work. if she wants to approach me, fine. i'll talk. but i'm not going up to her. and you can see that she wants to talk to me. but she never does because i don't go to her first! you can't just hurt someone and then expect things to be okay. you have to talk things through.

i haven't talked to her. i'm waiting for her to come to me. would you believe that we've worked together 4, 5 days a week for the past two weeks and that she hasn't ask to talk to me? not. one. fucking. time. and i see her looking my way. but i have a feeling she'd rather forget about it and act as if nothing happened than confront me.

am i an idiot??

i could let this go on all through summer and i wouldn't care. but here's the kicker: we've got the Radiohead show in 3 weeks... :) she hasn't paid me or anything. but i want her to see the show. i'm that kind of guy. but right now i'm fucking pissed at her. and it's getting worse each day she passes up the chance to patch things up. and she will have to at least make a fucking effort to come to me. you know what the sad thing is? i think she wrote that show off instead of having to talk things through.

that's it. i just had to vent. i would call her up right now and tell her i think it's shitty the way she's acting but it's late.

should i call her up tomorrow?
do i let the show pass? (i'd have a fucking hard time talking about the show in front of her afterwards. not for fear of retaliation, just feeling shitty about not taking her to such a once-in-a-lifetime experience. but i also can't go with her if i'm pissed at her.)

let me know. there's not a lot of time left. thanks :)

ps. here's what my Friendster Horoscope says for Saturday:
The phone tag must stop! Pick up the phone, make the call and get in some laughs.

Finalize tentative plans with a friend today. This marathon-length game of phone tag needs to come to an end. Take out your calendar and book a date today
:) i haven't been playing phone tag with her but that's weirdly close, isn't it?

Posted by Sam | 12:33 AM |