hhholy shit.
/ warning -- blathering about an ex up ahead. /
i got a call from the ex-ex last week, a message, in fact, wanting to get some news. see, we lost touch this past spring. no reason. just didn't stay in contact. it was no big deal because we know we'll always stay in each other's lives no matter what. but we didn't even write. early june i emailed her some birthday wishes and then sent her off a quick email about noticing a couple of girls who kept reminding me of her last week. her message was kind of unexpected, though, and her voice made me giddy inside (like it always does; we have that kind of chemistry). a little bit of history of me and this ex: i met her for the first time in a health food store my brother was working at in montreal. she was the cashier when i came in and asked for my brother. she was beautiful. but i never saw her again. then, jump to a year or two later when in walks my then-roommate's new girlfriend. he's late coming back so she waits for him with me and we chat. i don't recognize her ... until, half an hour or an hour later, she mentions her previous job in montreal. i freak out. i tell her about meeting her once. she doesn't remember, of course. i don't know if i told her about my short-lived crush on her that day. i forget if we had that kind of easy relationship from the get-go. so there. all's good. she's fine but she's my roommate's girlfriend so it doesn't require too much self-control on my part. i don't even think about it. then they split up. then a couple of months later, out of the blue, she invites me to her birthday dinner with friends of hers. it's nice. we kept in touch. a month later i'm moving into my own apartment and, along with my mom, her bf, and my cousin's husband, she comes along and helps out. at the end of the day (8-9 pm) my apartment is filled with boxes. she says i can come stay over at her apartment for the night and she'll help me with the boxes the next day. there's no hidden agenda (later on that night she'll even tell me she sees me as a friend), it's just a friendly, and generous, gesture. so we celebrate my new apartment by watching fireworks and later on drinking some beer at her place. whoa. what? okay. no more details. lol :P i just wanted to explain the history between the two of us. but what you must understand is this -- i've never felt as attracted to a girl as this one in my entire life. we just have it. a mindblowing chemistry. i never thought it was possible, and i've been looking out for it ever since. that's what you must understand. after that summer (2001) we "split up" (never really officially going out together but we were together everyday and, shit, i never called in sick as much as that summer :) we kept in touch for a good year or two after that. and everytime we hung out together, it felt like two magnets (and we still feel after all these years - even over the fucking phone). we knew it. we kept saying it was dangerous when to meet up :)
so this morning i get a phone call. and yep, it's her. she's in Quebec City. been living there for the past two years, i think. i never went up there. too scared to. and she always said if i did i drive up, it'd be for a day - no overnight sleeping. too dangerous. but this morning i get a phone call from her. she wanted to hear my voice. we talked about our current lives. then she realized something - she's a maid of honor next weekend... what if i accompanied her!!! fuck. lol. that's not what she was calling for. and it would be perfect. but i'm scared and have nothing to wear to a wedding. she was so excited by the idea. but i had to turn her down. chit-chat some more then she asks me if i'd come up this summer, before the end of July? that left only two other weekends, wtf? she said what about the next weekend? and it would be a two-day thing... yes, sleeping over, in her bed, is involved :) so yeah. after some talking, and mentioning my anxiety about it, i said yeah :) why not? if something happens, it happens. if nothing happens, it doesn't. btw, this is not the reason for this weekend. we haven't seen each other in about two years. we tried to see each other last summer but could never find the time (i must admit that i was also a little apprehensive about meeting her again because we can't simply just meet and chat; there's something, for lack of a better word - electric - about us). but we also really really really care about each other, so even though we know the inevitable would probably happen, there's something completely innocent and loving about wanting to meet. we'll do some rollerblading, eat on a grassy hill or something. at the very least it'll be a very romantic weekend. we're both well aware of the risks involved but we're much more carefree about it than before. much more. i'm just excited about spending a weekend with her (and she is too :) and it feels great not feeling worried sick about it for once but going ahead with it instead feeling untroubled by it all. so that's where we're at right now.
so i'm gonna spend a weekend in Quebec City with one of the coolest girls i know :) it feels great and sunny inside thinking about it.
now i'm gonna go run a bit to celebrate and feel joyful :)
Posted by Anonymous | 11:26 AM
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